Ssh – make ssh tell me which control file it would use for multiplexing

I use PuTTY for this. The setting you're looking for is called "Share SSH connection if possible" under the "Connection->SSH" section. From other answers, it seems to be available from PuTTY 0.64 onward.

That's quite simple, actually. Simply add the ctl_cmd -O forward to your existing command, thus:

ssh -M -L5555:localhost:22 remotehost

becomes:

ssh -O forward -M -L5555:localhost:22 remotehost

The ssh man page discusses the -O ctl_cmd option:

-O ctl_cmd
        Control an active connection multiplexing master process.  When the -O option is
        specified, the ctl_cmd argument is interpreted and passed to the master process.
        Valid commands are: “check” (check that the master process is running), “forward”
        (request forwardings without command execution), “exit” (request the master to
        exit), and “stop” (request the master to stop accepting further multiplexing
        requests).

This, of course, assumes you've either enabled ControlMaster yes in your ~/ssh/config file or -M on the command line.